Look Me In The Eyes
by huffleclaw22
Summary: Morag MacDougal has suffered a deep depression for six years, and it just kept getting worse, will she pull through? Or just give up? Morag's POV/Monologue. WARNING: Mentions a non-graphic suicide attempt.


**A/N: JK ROWLING OWNS POTTERVERSE.**

**Basically I'm writing this because I'm procrastinating on reading my summer reading book...and also because I have a love for the characters that never get any attention in the series.**

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My name is Morag Jillian MacDougal-Boot. I am 23 years old with light orangey (or, strawberry blonde) hair, and bright blue-green eyes. I'm a pure-blood witch, and full Scottish from both sides of my large family. When I went to Hogwarts, I was in Ravenclaw. That's where I met my husband, Terry Boot.

We have a pair of 1-year-old fraternal twins, a boy and a girl named Ian and Harper respectively. Ian Wesley has dark brown hair like Terry and bright blue-green eyes like me. Harper Ellen has my light orangey colored hair and deep gray eyes like Terry. They're purebloods too.

Terry and I both work in the Ministry of Magic Department of Magical Games and Sports, in the Official Gobstones Club offices. I know what you're thinking; why would two Ravenclaws take a job like that versus something more philosophical or academic? Well it's because we've both always loved Gobstones, and liked the idea of promoting it more to the public. It's an awful shame more wizards and witches don't play it much these days.

I bet you think I sound happy, don't you? To answer that question: I'm not. Not at all.

I've been in a deep depression for a very long time, you see. It started after my seventh year at Hogwarts, experiencing day-to-day life with Death Eaters running the school made me lose all hope for the world in which I lived. It made me lose all hope in myself, and I'd doubted that I'd even make it through that hellish year alive.

Life didn't get much easier after that. I had my first really serious relationship after graduation, with Stephen Cornfoot, a fellow Ravenclaw and yearmate of mine. He was the first man to hold my heart, and the first man to break it in a way I'd never before thought possible. He'd shattered it to teensy pieces by cheating on me with Su Li, and didn't show any signs of remorse when I'd caught them.

After that experience, I lost all sense of trust I had in those around me. I even shut my closest friends out, and it was a peaceful existance, just floating alone for awhile. The only one of my friends that bothered to still check on me, even after countless times of having the door slammed in his face, had been Terry.

About two years ago, we got married, and I re-connected with my friends (with the exception of Stephen and Su). Even though my life had taken a turn for the better, that nagging depression still stayed with me, for I was in denial that any of it was real. I was so used to living on the negative side of life, I held zero trust for the good things that were happening to me.

It was a good thing that I didn't get my hopes up, because about six months ago, I discovered that Terry had been having a secret affair behind my back. He'd been fooling around with Megan Jones, a Hufflepuff that had been in our year at Hogwarts. Despite his profuse apologies, I couldn't bring myself to forgive him, or even look at him. Life hurt too much. It was full of betrayal, lies, and pain.

That brings me back to present time. I'm currently laying in a bed inside of St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, completely unconscious, after drinking something that I had been so sure would end my life. That's right-you read that correctly. I realize how selfish that sounds, considering my two small children who had nothing to do with my misery, but I couldn't take it anymore.

"Morag wake up! Please, look me in the eyes, please look at me..." a man's soft voice is floating into my field of perception from far away. I know who it is, it's Terry. He's pleading me to wake up, to be okay, to be...alive.

"I'm so sorry for everything I've done, I don't know what made me cheat on you, but I feel awful about it. I never wanted to hurt you like this...it's all my fault you're in here..." Terry's saying. He sounds like he's crying. But I don't care, he deserves to cry for what he's done.

I still don't stir. I'm just barely alive as it is. I can't open my eyes, I can't look into his eyes, it's too painful. "...the kids? If you won't do it for me, do it for them!" he's begging me, choking on his tears, it sounds like.

It would be so easy to just let go, but some external force is preventing it, and I'm stuck in a dimension that's neither this life or the afterlife. I cannot move, or think, or feel, or see. But I can still hear. "Morag...please!" the cries of my husband are loud and wailing now.

I can't.

Yet-I have to.

But I can't.

I have to.

"Everything will be better, I swear. I'll do anything to fix this...please!" Terry begs.

It's a battle of can'ts and have to's inside of my head. The choice is clear, I have too much in the world left to take care of, but I'm so angry and I don't want to go back. Reluctantly, my eyes flutter open, and blue-green mixes with tear-filled gray.

Looking into Terry's eyes, I can see the good times, the times when I had actually been happy. I've re-gained my ability to think and feel, but I still can't move or speak. I remember all the fun we used to have in our Hogwarts days; playing Exploding Snap in the common room after studying for exams, Hogsmeade visits, and joking and laughing as we ate delicious food during the beginning and end of term feasts.

I also remember going to parties and dinners with large groups of friends after graduation. I remember my wedding, and all the guests there. I remember the birth of the twins, and the smiles on the faces of all the healers.

I realize why I have to stay here now. But I'm still so full of bitterness and hatred for those who have wronged me, my own husband being one of them. "Y-You b-broke my-y..." I manage to choke out before I realize that my throat is swollen.

"I know, and I regret it more than anything," Terry says, already knowing what I was going to say.

"I-I f-feel...s-sad...b-broken...bi-tte-r...h-ha-te t-this...wor-ld..." I stammer between heavy and painful breaths.

"Everything will be better Morag, I'm going to fix this," Terry tells me. His tone seems genuine enough, but I'm still not sure whether or not to trust a single word the cheater utters.

"D-Don-t...tru-st...you..." I choke out. I want him to realize how serious this is, and that I'm not just going to forgive him, just to have him go off and cheat again.

"Yeah, I know that. You don't have to trust me, just know one thing," Terry says. His deep gray eyes boring into my very soul.

"Wh-at?"

"Look into my eyes Morag...you WILL be happy again."

Terry is stroking my hair, and for just a second, I forget all the pain and suffering I've endured for six years.

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**A/N: Every once in awhile...I like to write "deeper" stories...ya know...to stretch my writing abilities.**

**Let me know what you thought of this! :)**


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